I don't belong here
A part of me is always ready to leave.Today I realize my heart is too big to set anywhere, and it aches when I feel tied down to where I am right now.
I thought about all the decisions I've made recently, all the strings that have been etched and how light I was when I cut them off.
I wish I could apologize for the choices I have made that affected my surroundings, but I had to be selfish for myself. I thought we were in this together, only to realize that I was completely alone in this. Nobody else is going to suffer the same weight as me, and when I had the chance to leave, I took it almost immediately.
I hate to admit it but I do feel the guilt, I can't recall making a decision for myself that would hurt anyone. I have thought about explaining, but what use is it to explain when they only want to hear what they want to?
So I left it at that. In time to come, all of this will pass. And that is inevitable.
Happiness is something you have to get on your own (Aside from what the Almighty gives), and the choices you made and going to in time to come. You determine what path you want to take, the job you want to do, the hobbies that you are still interested in, to keep doing things that make you happy, to choose the right people in your life just to make it all okay.
Happiness is knowing when to give up something that weighs you down, happiness is thinking about pros and cons of situations and giving it the best answer you can give. Happiness is having to feel at ease after everything has ended or when things are finally going right.
How terrible it is to make decisions and please others, while our hearts are not at ease?
Though I cannot recall the last time I did that, I remember that it didn't feel at all good or nice.
Now that I am 20, I tell myself I will make the decisions on my own, I will take the responsibilities and consequences, if any, on my own. I know what's best for me (besides my mum of course I'm a replica of her) and I really don't care if someone judges me for the decisions I've made.
Because at the end of the day, nobody else decides but yourself. In the mind, most importantly in the heart.
Friday, June 28, 2013 @ 9:06 AM / 0 daisies