alone.
Funny how the word alone strike my insides. Kind of like bypassing the barrier and it right away manages to press the sensitivity button.
The lessons I've had this week made me reflect so much.
"It's scary right, you don't even remember what you did last year, maybe even last weekend. It's scary, at the speed we're moving."
"Applying past knowledge into the present."
"And you've got to know yourself, are you the type that stays safe? or are you adventurous? Do you go out and make mistakes, learn from them and bring them with you? Do they make you a better person?"
"Yes, what happened to us before, what was taught to us before was perhaps, useless to you and maybe most of you all here, but if it wasn't for what that happened then, we wouldn't be here at all. We wouldn't thought of coming to this school either. To make this choice."
Some of the things I chose to remember after what my lecturer spoke of.
All of these sentences can form a paragraph that, too, strikes me on the inside. But not as much as the word alone.
People always tell me that they're always going to be there for me, and that you don't have to feel alone because I'm always around people. But that's just not the point. That's just not it.
They wouldn't understand me even if I spoke a million and one words about how I just feel. So I'd rather just push it away and in hopes that it'll disappear somewhere. But it doesn't go anywhere, it still lingers.
Truth to be told just the word alone, hurts.
It isn't about finding someone who has the same hobbies as you, or anything physical for that matter. I look beyond that, someone's character and thoughts about things and people, their vibe is mostly important and whether they're influential in a good way. Oh, and comfortability. I cannot emphasize more on the word comfort.
It's crazy. Sometimes I think I'm actually making a checklist, and ticking each and every box whenever I make new friends. But too much of a difference too separates two people together.
People around me always think I'm independent, I can go on without anybody, really. But they do not consider that I am human too, and that I have feelings. Okay maybe they do, I don't know.
Big groups make me feel even more alone in the inside. Sometimes I push myself away and I'd rather head to a location, again, alone.
I can say that I'm an optimist, or at least, trying to be one with every day I am given by God. I choose to see the good in the day that I am living, and grateful for what I have given.
"I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death." -Nelson Mandel
"Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing." -
Rachel Naomi Remen
Yeah, just pretty much all of that. Crap.
Labels: personal
Wednesday, September 5, 2012 @ 3:55 AM / 0 daisies